I'm at work today.
Yesterday I stayed so busy, laundry, dishes, bedsheets, errands, washing and polishing things. I took his food bowl, water bottle and cage in the basement, broke down in sobs, got it together and just cleaned more.
Towards the end of the day I ran out of things to do and started crying.
Brad and I had a good day, we were there for each other, thinking about each other. We looked through the photo album yesterday for all his pictures, and talked about him through out the day. Remembering different funny stories and things we did together.
I'm just so mad he is gone.
I want to hear his clicking nails on the tile floor following me.
I want to hear his barks.
I want to feel his warm fur.
I want my goofy, poop eating dog back!!
I still sob and cover my face.
I can think about him sometimes without crying.
I just cant talk about him without crying.

Brad's parents are in town tomorrow.
It's a good thing.
They will keep us busy.
Brad & his dad are going fishing on Friday.

Brad and I have really been working together well.
The first day I kicked in, worried about him, sorry for him.
Making him eat, getting food, kissing him all over his face and hugging him.
Yesterday he did the same for me.

Im glad we were there for him to say goodbye. I would regret it if I didn't. It was peaceful. The sedative kicked in right away and he went to sleep. We heard him breathe some more. Then he was injected with the fluid, and immediately gone. I covered my face from the people in waiting area as we left. I took the vets tissues with me.

We have a few of his favorite toys out, and his collar. We have the blanket my friend Josi made him lying on his snack rug by the fireplace. We went through the photo album, listened to his bark on audblog, watched that tape Brad made of him. His fur is all over the house.
Brad is going to donate his dog food and his newer or unused toys to the dog shelter today.

I cant stand thinking he is gone.
I keep pretending he is still here.
That he laying on the floor next to our bed, that he is right behind me following me around.
It makes me feel better.