I went out to lunch with some work people.
Wasn't as bad as last time.
Last time I don't even remember any of the conversation. I was totally bored and tuned it all out and instead just scoped out the place.
I was quiet (mostly) this time too. I don't talk much in groups, mixed groups. I usually end up saying something awkward. So I mostly talk just with one or two people. I sit there biting my tongue, thinking Brad would be so proud of me. I am not saying anything embarrassing. Patting myself on the back for being a "good girl".
I say embarrassing awkward things, because it comes natural for me...but also out of habit of testing people. Which I hear is a bad habit of mine. If what I say is followed by awkward silence, they are not my people, and I will only sit quiet with them, if they laugh or are amused, they are one of me and I have someone to talk one on one with, a work buddy. But this habit is was also isolates me from people when I do it.
I am fighting the urges daily.